Drowning in Junk Mail – How to get Junk Mail Revenge

How to get junk mail revenge

This is not the first step to stopping junk mail. Read the Start Here page to see how stuffing envelopes fits into my battle plan for stopping junk mail. This is the fun part of stopping junk mail. It is like arts & crafts. Get the kids involved! Everyone loves glitter and sharpies!

Things you will need for this project:

1. Pre-paid envelops found in the junk mail you want to stop.
2. Flat objects that will fit into the envelope.
3. A black marker.

There are 2 goals for this project:

1. Cost the junk mailer money.
2. Be so annoying to the people who open the mail, that they will take you off the mailing list.

This is the least effective way to stop junk mail. It is more therapy than anything else. I found it very satisfying every week filling the envelopes with garbage, sending it off and “sticking to the man.” The goal was to be as annoying to them as they were to me. If they are going to waste my time will all that junk mail, I am going to cost them money.

First I will tell you what not to do. Then I will show you the best way to get some small bit of revenge on the people hammering you with junk mail.

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One of the first things people do when they want to stop junk mail is write “Return to Sender” on the envelope and put it back in the mail box. This no longer works. The postal worker will just toss it out.

There are also some popular memes on the net on how to stop junk mail:

LOL look he put a bricks and rocks in a box then mailed it off!!11!!

The only problem is that this doesn’t work. A pre-paid envelope is not a mailing label. It is an envelope. The postal worker can declare it trash and toss it out.

What about a brick? Can I put the pre-paid envelope on a brick??

Again no. You can’t put a pre-paid envelope on a brick and expect it to get to it’s destination.

From the Straightdope, From MotherJones.com

“According to rule 917.243(b) in the Domestic Mail Manual, when a business reply card is “improperly used as a label” — e.g., when it’s affixed to a brick — the item so labeled may be treated as “waste.” That means the post office can toss it in the trash without further ado.”

We must work within the rules that the postoffice has set up.

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Time for a video!

Let’s review:

Gather up all the pre-paid return envelopes you get in the junk mail.

When you are done stuffing the envelope, you want it to be thick so that it costs more. Over 1/4in is best.

You want the envelope to be stiff so it won’t go through the sorting machine. The guy in the video spent money to buy the pieces of wood. Spending lots of money is a no no and goes against one of my rules. I bet that if you go through the week’s junk mail or your closet you will find something stiff to slide into the envelope.

CD’s?

Note cards? Or other thick, stiff paper.

Don’t have any of that? You can also use shredded paper.

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Now for some fun. Stuff the envelope as full as you can with other junk mail.

In this example I have pulled the old political switcharoo. Slick Willy goes in the RNC envelope, and 41 goes into the Democratic Senate something something envelope. Mix it up as much as you can. Try not to put the same junk mail back in the return envelope. You want to come off as goofy as possible. You want to to be kicked off the mailing list.

Since all they want from you is money toss in a fake check or 2.

or Princess money from the dollar store.

In this example the entry fee for the fake lottery was $10. So I slipped in a fake $10 bill.

I also liked to use perfume samples from magazines.

Tear them out and cut them up into smaller pieces. If you keep them in a baggy all together the smells all combine into an ungodly stench.

Fill out their little survey (I always tried to make junk mail the #1 issue that Americans were concerned about). Then write “Take me off your mailing list” in large friendly letters with a black marker. The guy in the video talks about “having a conversation” with the junk mail sender. You can write a note about how the junk mail has affected your family, or any other topic you want.

Then top it all off with a sprinkle of glitter.

I will repeat: The goal is to be as annoying as possible. Nothing is more annoying as glitter mixed with stinky shredded paper all over the office.

Mark out all the bar codes on the front of the envelope. This makes the post office sorting computer not to read the envelope and causes an extra step for the postal workers. The post office will charge them for the extra sorting time.

What is you favorite thing to stuff an envelope with?