Drowning in Junk Mail – How to get Junk Mail Revenge

How to get junk mail revenge

How to get junk mail revenge

This is not the first step to stopping junk mail. Read the Start Here page to see how stuffing envelopes fits into my battle plan for stopping junk mail. This is the fun part of stopping junk mail. It is like arts & crafts. Get the kids involved! Everyone loves glitter and sharpies!

Things you will need for this project:

  1. Pre-paid envelops found in the junk mail you want to stop.
  2. Flat objects that will fit into the envelope.
  3. A black marker.

There are 2 goals for this project:

  1. Cost the junk mailer money.
  2. Be so annoying to the people who open the mail, that they will take you off the mailing list.

This is the least effective way to stop junk mail. It is more therapy than anything else. I found it very satisfying every week filling the envelopes with garbage, sending it off and “sticking to the man.” The goal was to be as annoying to them as they were to me. If they are going to waste my time will all that junk mail, I am going to cost them money.

First I will tell you what not to do. Then I will show you the best way to get some small bit of revenge on the people hammering you with junk mail.


Return to sender
One of the first things people do when they want to stop junk mail is write “Return to Sender” on the envelope and put it back in the mail box. This no longer works. The postal worker will just toss it out.

There are also some popular memes on the net on how to stop junk mail:

LOL look he put a bricks and rocks in a box then mailed it off!!11!!

The only problem is that this doesn’t work. A pre-paid envelope is not a mailing label. It is an envelope. The postal worker can declare it trash and toss it out.

What about a brick? Can I put the pre-paid envelope on a brick??
Pre-paid envelope taped to a brick
Again no. You can’t put a pre-paid envelope on a brick and expect it to get to it’s destination.

From the Straightdope, From MotherJones.com

“According to rule 917.243(b) in the Domestic Mail Manual, when a business reply card is “improperly used as a label” — e.g., when it’s affixed to a brick — the item so labeled may be treated as “waste.” That means the post office can toss it in the trash without further ado.”

We must work within the rules that the postoffice has set up.


Time for a video!

Let’s review:

No Postage Necessary if Mailed in the United States
Gather up all the pre-paid return envelopes you get in the junk mail.

When you are done stuffing the envelope, you want it to be thick so that it costs more. Over 1/4in is best.

You want the envelope to be stiff so it won’t go through the sorting machine. The guy in the video spent money to buy the pieces of wood. Spending lots of money is a no no and goes against one of my rules. I bet that if you go through the week’s junk mail or your closet you will find something stiff to slide into the envelope.

Put old CD's in medium envelopes, it will make it stiff and cost them more postage
CD’s?

PB050013
Note cards? Or other thick, stiff paper.

stuffed envelope 50 grams
Don’t have any of that? You can also use shredded paper.


Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Democratic National Committee, Stuffed envelope
Now for some fun. Stuff the envelope as full as you can with other junk mail.

stuffing the envelopes of George W. Bush and Bill Clinton
In this example I have pulled the old political switcharoo. Slick Willy goes in the RNC envelope, and 41 goes into the Democratic Senate something something envelope. Mix it up as much as you can. Try not to put the same junk mail back in the return envelope. You want to come off as goofy as possible. You want to to be kicked off the mailing list.

PB050040
Since all they want from you is money toss in a fake check or 2.

Princess Money from the Dollar store
or Princess money from the dollar store.

Stuffed Fake Lottery
In this example the entry fee for the fake lottery was $10. So I slipped in a fake $10 bill.

I also liked to use perfume samples from magazines.
perfume samples from magazines
Tear them out and cut them up into smaller pieces. If you keep them in a baggy all together the smells all combine into an ungodly stench.

National Republican Congressional Committee
DNC Survey
Fill out their little survey (I always tried to make junk mail the #1 issue that Americans were concerned about). Then write “Take me off your mailing list” in large friendly letters with a black marker. The guy in the video talks about “having a conversation” with the junk mail sender. You can write a note about how the junk mail has affected your family, or any other topic you want.

Adding glitter
Then top it all off with a sprinkle of glitter.

I will repeat: The goal is to be as annoying as possible. Nothing is more annoying as glitter mixed with stinky shredded paper all over the office.

Stuffed, Sharpied and ready to go
Mark out all the bar codes on the front of the envelope. This makes the post office sorting computer not to read the envelope and causes an extra step for the postal workers. The post office will charge them for the extra sorting time.

What is you favorite thing to stuff an envelope with?

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5 thoughts on “Drowning in Junk Mail – How to get Junk Mail Revenge

  1. Pingback: Snail Mail and Paper Checks in the 21st Century - Go Curry Cracker!Go Curry Cracker!

  2. The glitter and perfume are the brilliant strokes.

    I feel kinda bad for the poorly paid schlub on the other end, but they will likely know exactly how to get you off thre list if they are motivated enough. Or… Sign you up for lots more junk mail. Hmm…

    Like

    • Sign her up for more that 100 pieces in week? Even if they had I wouldn’t have noticed.

      These people caused her to lose everything she had. They are lucky all they got was an over stuffed envelope with a sprinkle of glitter.

      Like

      • This is so true! I’ve had the same address for 61 years. I have mail piled everywhere. I tried “the return to sender”. I asked my mailman about it. He said the post office WILL throw it away, especially if its bulk mail.
        In 2014 I lost my retirement home , I believe because of to much mail. The bank I had for the mortgage did not have any options for automatic payments or paying with an automated service. My tenants would send me their rent by mail also. During 2014, I had some medical problems. Getting through my mail was so overwhelming for me. I was always late on my mortgage payments and was paying high late fees every month. Often I would make 2 month payments. Dec 2012, Jan 2013, and Feb 2013 were late because I had a knee replacement and just thinking about going through the stacks of mail would make me shudder. Eventually I got everything together. Rent checks deposited, mortgage check made out and sent. I sent the mortgage company a check for Dec, Jan, and Feb, plus the late fees. I thought I was all fought up until I received a notice of foreclosure from the bank. Apparently the bank put all the money I sent for three month, on the late Dec payment. The overage they put on the principal. Then told me I still owed for Jan and Feb. .Screwed? Yes I was, even after hireing a lawyer for $5,000.
        I still believe that if it wasn’t for all the junk mail I get, I would still have my retirement home to move to.
        Thanks for all the ideas. I will be trying some to see if I can’t eliminate some!
        I tell my postal carrier all the time that I feel bad for him carrying all the crap mail I get everyday. Thanks again!
        Kimmy

        Like

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