Drowning in Junk Mail – Getting Rid of Junk Mail the Scientology way

Now that I am on a rampage to stop all the junk mail coming to my house I will turn to the¬†Scientologists for help. No wait ex-Scientologists, that is who’s help I need. Scientology is infamous for the amount of crap they send to people on their mailing lists. Sometimes it feels like the only way to escape all the mailers is to die. And according to ex-members sometimes even that isn’t enough.

Let’s peek into a thread from a few years ago on Why We Protest.net to get some ideas on stopping junk mail.

The first great idea is to cost them money:

“Every time they send you something with a Freepost return address, use it to send them a brick.”

“Came here to say this; was not disappoint. Literally tape the BRE (Bulk Reply Envelope) to a brick and drop it into the local mail box. As far as I know, there no limitation to the charges posted on a BRE, so you really cost them a lot by affixing a BRE to a brick or an old refrigerator or something and making the post office aware of it.

I know of no laws preventing you from photocopying the BRE and including bags of dog feces, etc but do not quote me on that.”

Alas you can’t mail a brick ūüė¶
From the Straightdope, From MotherJones.com

“According to rule 917.243(b) in the Domestic Mail Manual, when a business reply card is “improperly used as a label” ‚ÄĒ e.g., when it’s affixed to a brick ‚ÄĒ the item so labeled may be treated as “waste.” That means the post office can toss it in the trash without further ado.”

But you can stuff the envelope with silly stuff, and make it weigh more

“But save any prepaid return envelopes. Stuff them with critical leaflets, or even a joint and send them back. Temptation is a bitch.”

“Recycle your unwanted piles of Jehovah’s Witness doorstep trash by sending unsolicited Sci-mail back to the cult with JW tracts inside.”

Let’s pull out those videos from the Mother Jones article

Stuffing envelops with nonsense that weighs a lot, I may have something like that available.

A tip for UK residents,¬†unfortunately in the US all “return to sender” mail is tossed now, so that won’t stop anything.

“Don’t “return to sender”, but forward the post instead. Nowadays, a stamp only covers the initial postal journey, and not any forwarding. If you forward it to a dying org (say, Plymouth or Sunderland…) all the Scilons get is a standard notification that there’s an item with insufficient postage for them to collect. So they have to take a trip to the postal depot, where they get invited to pay to collect their own shit.”

“Return the mail with a change of address. Ask the cult to send the mailings to the new address… which is an address for a Scientology¬†organization (church)¬† in another state.”

That is real culture jamming going on. In this case I would give a change of address from one scammer to another or one Super PAC to another. It would be like a snake eating it’s tail.

“If in the US, claim that you find their literature to be unwanted sexually oriented advertisements?

No, srsly:
Unwanted Junk Mail

U.S. Post Office Form 2150, Prohibitory Order Against Sender has been replaced by Form 1500. Form 1500 is available for free in .pdf format via the USPS website.

Do not let the wording on the form fool you, it can be used to stop ANY piece of mail. Page 13 of Postal Bulletin 21977 states:

Postmasters may not refuse to accept a Form 1500 because the advertisement in question does not appear to be sexually oriented. Only the addressee may make that determination.

Most clerks will not know what to do with Form 1500 and may direct you to the Post Master.

ROWAN v. U. S. POST OFFICE DEPT. , 397 U.S. 728 (1970)

Getting Scientology blocked from sending “smut” through the mail would be a win of beauty.”

WHAT? I can declare all junk mail porn even if it isn’t!?

Wiki page for Prohibitory Order Against Sender form 1500
More help for from 1500 from Knowmore.org

http://about.usps.com/forms/ps1500.pdf (PDF)

Update: Here is my how to guide to form 1500

This is somewhat complicated and involves me spending money. I will leave this for the last step and the most tenacious junk mail. Now about that envelope stuffing…

Update one year later: This turned out to be the best weapon I found to stop scam junk mail. I wound up sending out over 100 form 1500’s over the past year. If you are trying to stop Scientology junk mail try to pick a piece that is selling something. A course package, a lecture.

Drowning in Junk Mail – Today’s Junk Mail

Toady's Mail, Saturday March 29, 2014, All 19 pices of it.
Toady, 19 pieces of junk mail came to my house, and none of it was for me. It belongs to an elderly relative in the early stages of dementia who can no longer take care of herself. When my little branch of the family went to her house to start the process of getting her the proper care she needs, they discovered piles of mail. All over the house. It ranged from catalogs to 419 Nigerian scams. When they dived into her finances to figure out how to pay for the full time care she needs, they found that she had written checks for some of these scams. They immediately put stops on all her checks. Some were in the hundreds of dollars. Imagine this: they are trying to take care of her, clean her house, and everyday 20 pieces of mail come, and she wants to see it. What if one of the lotteries pays off? But this politician needs help passing a bill. This military family needs help buying groceries. She could not stop. So they have put in a change of address, my address. Everyday I go through a stack of mail looking for that one real piece. An insurance bill, a medical claim. Most of her bills are now on auto pay, but there is always that stray piece of mail that she actually needs. This has been going on for a month now and I am sick of it. I am fighting back. I am going to shame the people who spew out this predatory junk mail. No one is safe: politicians, starving children, Nigerian presidents. All of them are going down. I am also going to try to stop as much of this crap from getting to my house as possible.
Step 1 to getting rid of junk mail sign up for DMAChoice, then Catalog Choice or if you have a fancy smart phone PaperKarma. They are like the do-not-call list for junk mail. OptOutPreScreen.com is for credit card offers. If you hate the Red Plum coupons everyday opt-out here This has already been done for her. All that is left is the scummy underbelly of the junk mail world. I have made a step by step guide on how to stop junk mail here

The most interesting mail of the day
Of the 19 pieces of junk mail I received today, I picked these 6. They are all flashy, and we have a couple of political celebrity guest stars.

Headquarters of Allenvail & Crane from the Netherlands 419 scam
Headquarters of Allenvail & Crane Executive Chambers Office of the President. This one looks very official, it is from the President, and it is an official matter. Better open it up.

Headquarters of Allenvail & Crane from the Netherlands, contents 419 scam
This looks very official. It is signed stamped and has a holographic seal. But it is only a 419 scam. If I give them $20 they will give me a Guaranteed $2,590,000.00 payout in cash and prizes. If you get this mail or something like it put it in the trash, or if you get a lot of mail like this jump to step 3 of my Start Page.

These 3 pieces of Junk Mail Look like they need to be opened right away
These 3 look much more promising.

Direct Delivery Systems, from the Netherlands scam
Direct Delivery Systems, from the Netherlands. This one from Direct Delivery Systems says that I have a package on a dock. It is a check for $3,680.00, and if I send them $20 they will mail it to me. If you get this mail or something like it put it in the trash, or if you get a lot of mail like this jump to step 3 of my Start Page.

American Expediters, From Lake Worth Florida scam
American Expediters, from Lake Worth Florida.¬†I have an unclaimed prize!!! If I send them the blue tabs and $24.96 I will get 1 or more of the prizes. Note the bad typesetting. Have a little pride in your work American Expediters. If you are going to be a scam, don’t look like one.¬†If you get this mail or something like it put it in the trash, or if you get a lot of mail like this jump to step 3 of my¬†Start Page.

Entrant Reporting Services from the Netherlands
Entrant Reporting Services from the Netherlands. Another 419 from the Netherlands. I am a little disappointed in the quality, it is just a fuzzy photocopy. The envelope is so much better than the contents. If you get this mail or something like it put it in the trash, or if you get a lot of mail like this jump to step 3 of my Start Page.

Political Junk mail from Rand Paul and Ted Cruz
Political Junk mail from Rand Paul and Ted Cruz. The person to whom all this mail is going to is a life long Republican donor. When her family took over her finances they put a stop on all checks, some of which were in the hundreds of dollars, to different politicians across the country. I am not picking on one party or the other, but the predatory language used in the mailings.

Ted Cruz, United States Senator, Victory Committee Urgent Message About Debt Ceiling Enclosed
Ted Cruz, United States Senator, Victory Committee Urgent Message About Debt Ceiling Enclosed. Before you even open the envelope there is a crisis. Today it is the Debt Ceiling. “If we’re going to rein in out-of-control spending and prevent out nation from fiscal catastrophe, we urgently need more strong conservative Senators to help us fight.” “Would you please Return the enclosed reply form with the most generous contribution possible of $35, $50, $100, $150, or even $250 right away before out critical March 31st deadline?” Guess what an older person with early signs of dementia would do? She would write out a check for $250 to fight those nasty politicians in DC. The $250 that is supposed to pay for her in home health care.

Senator Rand Paul, National Pro-Life Alliance
Senator Rand Paul, National Pro-Life Alliance. I thought I had hit the jackpot when I opened this bit of political junk mail. The National Pro-Life Alliance wants to pass a Life at Conception Act. I am supposed to sign each of the certificates send them back to the National Pro-Life Alliance and they will send them to Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Jerry McNerney, Mitch McConnell, and John Boehner. And a generous check of course.